As I open my safari browser daily and am directed to my home page - this blog - I am reminded of my uncompleted writing from my time in Nepal. I, in fact, was there a full seven weeks and my blog only reflects six of them. I usually posted my blogs at the end of each week and the end of week seven, I was HOME...home with loads of homework to complete, lots of people to see and a whole lot of change to confront. These were some of the reasons that I put off writing my last Nepal entry, yet I know there were many more...
Maybe I never wanted to write my last blog because that meant it was over...
Maybe I never wanted to write it because I didn’t know what to say...
Maybe I really was “too” busy...unlikely - we make time for what is important to us...
Maybe, despite my bi-polar feelings about my trip, I really didn’t want to say goodbye...
Regardless of what my reason for it was, I never concluded my Nepal journey via blog. Here are some of my writings from my last week and some conclusions I’ve drawn since that time...
Last week...number 7
It feels quite ironic that my last week here I have finally been able to do things I’ve longed to the entire time I’ve been here - get around by myself and feel comfortable about it...take lessons on an indigenous instrument from Nepal, the “sarangi”...visit a music museum...speak and understand more of the language...as I’ve thought about this more, it’s really not ironic at all that I would get to do more as my trip came to a close. I have been taught that cultural adjustment and acclimation is a process, but now I have experienced it and found this to be resoundingly true. It really makes sense that toward the end of my trip, I would start to feel more at home and more comfortable with my surroundings.
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| At the music museum, next to the largest sarangi |
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| Last market place visits... |
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| Saying dhanyabad (thank you) and goodbye to Sobit, my sarangi teacher. |
I have felt incredibly conflicted during my last week in Nepal. On one hand, I have been able to more independent this week. I have felt more at home in this culture than the entire time I’ve been in country. Also because of my increased familiarity, I have felt much more comfortable and safe this week - despite returning to spending so much time alone. On the other hand, as I have begun to mentally debrief, I have more honestly considered my own feelings and reactions toward Nepali culture. In my attempt to be respectful of my host culture, I think I have failed to be completely honest with myself in regards to what I do and do not like. This led me to actually admitting such feelings and reactions - to myself, of course. I included these thoughts in my writing assignments this week, which helped me to consider these more in depth. Which, also will hopefully spur on deeper thought as I seek to understand all that I have learned.
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| Last night out with my wonderful hosts! |
Farewell Nepal...
It is utterly surreal to be here...on my last night in Nepal. I knew my last day would come as quickly as I remember my first day arriving. Time is funny that way...I am not very old, but I have come to the conclusion that the older I get, the faster time goes by or rather, the more in touch with reality I become. All that to say, my time in Nepal has actually passed more quickly than I had imagined it would.
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| Saying goodbye to my friend, Sally |
As I sit here trying to think of a legendary conclusion to my journey, I find that I am at a loss...I have much to sort through and debrief before I know how to truly sum up my trip. It can be a difficult thing to tell about a trip like this...I have struggled with this before. Sometimes this is because, like now, I am at a loss of what to say. Sometimes it is because I know that the person asking me wants a one sentence answer and I just can't seem to condense an appropriate response. Sometimes it is because telling the truth about my trips may not be what the question-asker wants to hear. Sometimes it is because I am experiencing reverse culture shock, therefore feeling anger toward my own gluttonous culture. Even if I cannot put into words now all that I have learned, I know that indeed I have learned and that I will continue learning from my experiences here, for even years to come. I am such a product of the Enlightenment, I am constantly searching for the “why” and the reasoning behind everything...I think that is why I am struggling. I know the facts of what I have learned about Nepali culture and music and Christianity, but I do not know what I have personally learned yet...nor do I know where I go from here, besides obtaining course credit. I have been asking and will continue to ask that the Holy Spirit reveal to me what it is He wants me to have learned from my time in Nepal.
As I have now had months to truly mull over what I have taken from my practicum, I still have many unanswered questions, but the Lord has revealed to me one extremely significant thing I learned...
Nepal is a hard context for Christian mission, as are many places. Due to this and my lack of long-term commitment to this context I struggled to like it. This was a completely different feeling for me on the mission field...almost every place I’ve ever been I have LOVED being there. Why couldn’t I say that I LOVED Nepal? There are many factors that could have contributed to those feelings and lack there of this time around, but regardless of those I have struggled to determine why I have experienced this disparity. I still do not know the answers to my own questions fully...however, I know one thing quite surely...
If Christians avoided the ‘hard’ contexts merely because they were hard, how would those living there ever hear of how Christ loves them? Also, when Jesus sent out his disciples on mission (during his ministry) he said, “I am sending you out as lambs in the midst of wolves” (Luke 10:3) - this absolutely suggests a hard context and what our role is meant to be in such a context. Pondering this, I have come to lovingly look back on Nepal, those serving in mission there, the growing Christian population and those who have yet to hear...as a disciple of Jesus’ today, I want to take on that commissioning seriously and continue to say “when and where, Lord?” I will be a lamb among the wolves no matter the difficulty of the context and I joyfully hope to return to Nepal someday.
Lastly, yet not least important - thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to my faithful readers and prayer partners! Thank you for your patience in awaiting this last post. I have thoroughly enjoyed sharing my journey with you and appreciated your support immensely. May the God of nations bless you to be a blessing to others! Psalm 67
